life changes....

Well, there have been quite a few life changes since my last post... We have added 2...Yes, 2 more children to our family, as well as we have moved across the country. It is so crazy to think back on the changes. Strange to think it has been so long since I have written on this blog. But here goes my update. February 25th, 2017 we welcomed Sweet Isabella to our family. May 2017 We moved to New Orleans Louisiana. March 23rd, 2019 welcomed baby James to our family. Our family is now tied 2 girls 2 boys. girl-boy-girl-boy. We have 4 kids in 5 years and as crazy as it has been, I wouldn't have it any other way. Though it has not been without its struggles. I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding and sometimes both for the past 7 years. To be consistently sleep-deprived and taking care of toddlers. Also to finally lose the pregnancy weight just to find out I'm pregnant a month later.

God's Gift

Sometimes I feel all alone....like my kids are my only friends. And sometimes that's tiring...but at least I don't have to be polite.

Our conversations:
Hailey: "Mommy, what's your favorite color?"
Me: "Grey, Yellow, and Purple."
Hailey: "Why?"
Me: "Because yellow is like the sun and makes me happy, Grey is beautiful and purple is for princesses."
Hailey: "Why?"
Me: "Because God made it that way."
Hailey: "Why?"
Me: "Because I said so."
Hailey: "Why?"
.....(face palm).....

Well at least my daughter likes to talk to me and lets me talk. Often driving down the road jamming in my mom-mobile my daughter tells me "Mommy turn off the music and talk to me."

Turn off the music and talk to me. As much as those words drive me crazy because my daughter is a chatter box and my only peace and quiet is when she is sleeping or when I have my music on, those words are beautiful. Beautiful because God gave her to me to pour into. Me-being the introvert that I am have a hard time seeing the beauty in those words, but I am starting to see them more and more. One day she might not ask me to talk to her. One day she might ask me to turn the music on. Today I relish in the gift that God gave me, because his will is perfect, and he knows what he is doing. God has a sense of humor and all I can do is laugh and embrace the life that God has given to me.

Here is a quote that was in my email today, which I find is so fitting for the season of life that I am in right now.

A (Fairly Lame) Ode to Mothers

I found this poem in a book and it is pretty awesome. Made me chuckle. I think it is good to remind yourself every once in a while not to judge other mom's but embrace the motherhood and help one another out

A (Fairly Lame) Ode to Mothers

An ode to the marvelous woman called "Mother"
Though not one of us is exactly like another.
From the second we're born to the minute we die
Our preferences are as limitless as stars in the sky.

We might have been perfectly gracious before
But childbirth entered us in the Mommy War.
Rather than letting everyone else be
We criticize parenting that isn't exactly like...me.

So once and for all let me put this to rest
None of us owns the title of  "best."
Natural childbirth does not make you a hippy
Epidurals are not just for women who want to feel trippy.
In a bathtub with a doula or in a hospital bed
We all got a baby with limbs and a head.

Nursing is great if nothing foes wrong
But some nipples turn inward and refuse to play along.
This is a choice for each mom-it's her route
So it's just A + B and everyone else can C their way out.

Schedules and timers do not make you cruel
Feeding on demand does not make you a fool.
In the nursery with a monitor or in the family bed
Every chick gets to pick where her baby lays his head.

If I see more mom roll her eyes at "organic..."
"Partially hydrogenated" throws some of us into panic.
But neither judge Sonic burgers and fries
Some of us just want to enjoy food before we die.

Preschool, homeschool, public, or Montessori
Listen, my friends, and I'll tell you a story;
Two moms differed on favorite school trends
Their kids turned out pretty much the same. The end.

If a girl gets the title of "mom" accidentally
The worst thing we can do is treat her judgmentally.
How about some love, some help, some advice?
She needs our love and we shouldn't think twice.

Discipline through various methods will prevail
Look, we're all just trying to keep our kids out of jail.
These things are just preferences, not right or wrong
What matters more is teaching our kids to get along-
To love and to share, to speak gently and kind,
To obey so that mom won't go out of her mind.

Showing them Jesus is our common ground
Teaching them how he can always be found.
He's present in public school and Waldorf(so trendy)
He's over at Whole Foods but also at Wendy's.
Jesus never cared about these sorts of things
It's our hearts that he wants and the worship we bring.

It's time for us moms to declare a truce
Regardless if we buy Capri Sun or 100 percent juice.
My way is not your way, and your way isn't mine
But both of our kids will turn out just fine.

Rather than judging and looking down our noses
Let's enjoy the common ground motherhood poses.
As believers, we all love the same good Lord
We all have children who tell us "I'm bored."

We all need more sleep than these tiny five hours
Most of us struggle to find time for a shower.
We haven't been to the bathroom alone in an age
Our mothers have all told us, "Relax, this is just a stage."

We all love our babies so much we could die
We'd take a bullet for each one without batting an eye.
Though we are different, we're in the same tribe
Motherhood requires a similar vibe-
Love and affection, sacrifice and grace
Laughter, which keeps the whole mechanism in place.

Though different, by the grace of God, I suspect;
ALL our children will rise up and call us...collect.

~Jen Hatmaker- Out of the spin cycle~

An insight from awhile ago...

As I sit here listening to my 3 week old son cry I am reminded by how much we need God.
Without me, Caleb is helpless. He cannot eat, or move. He would be sitting in a pile of poop, starving. Without his mom, Caleb would die. Well if we live without God we will surely die.
Just as Caleb needs help cleaning up his poop(sin) so do we need help. We need to ask God to help, take away our sins, repent and turn away from our sins. Whatever it might be: lying, stealing, hatred, adultery, murder, jealousy, homosexuality, drunkenness, anything that is sin. God can help us, all we need to do is have a willing heart and come before God.
Just as Caleb needs food to survive we need our 'spiritual food.' To grow we must be reading the bible, and praying (not just with our lips but listening with our ears to what God has to hear).
Sometimes its hard to find 'time' to read our bible, or pray. You just need to start some where. Marathon runners don't just start with the marathons, they start with training weeks and weeks before. So that they can finish the race.
I encourage you that if your bible is on the shelf collecting dust, pick it up and dust it off. Start by reading a proverb a day or even just a few verses a day. Praying while you fold laundry or while you're stuck in traffic. Start small and you can run marathons. When the storms come you will with stand the trials.  

Caleb's birth story

Just realized I have majorly been slacking on the blogging. Since Caleb is now 4 months old I thought I should get into a more regular routine.  So first post from being back Caleb's birth...
So Caleb's due date was May 19th. May 17th we came home from an afternoon of walking and shopping and something just didn't feel quiet right. I had my doctors appointment/check up the next morning at 9:40am so I figured it will be fine, I'll just go in then. So my husband and I left to go to the doctors office. I left Hailey with my mom and dad, whom (my dad) was flying out that day. This being my 40 week appointment my doctor told me we would talk induction. (which scared me and I totally did not want) I got a call 20 min before I was suppose to leave letting me know I would not see my regular OB because she was in a C-section. I got there and saw a different doctor. Something didn't feel right so I told him that. The doctor decided to check things out. First he checked and told me I was 6 cm dilated, that's probably why I was feeling weird. ( I had been 1 cm the week before) My doctor was still finishing up with the other C-section patient, so the doctor I was seeing gave me a stress test to see how Caleb was doing and to wait and hear from my doctor. Once that was done I walked over to the hospital because the hospital and doctors office were attached.
My husband and I walked over, while he made phone calls to his work letting them know he would be taking the next 2 weeks off.  It was now about 10:30am. I got all checked into the hospital.  Around 11am my doctor came in, check on me and broke my water. Oh my!!! Worst thing ever. They had the monitor going showing contractions, and when she broke my water you can see where it spiked higher than the contractions at that point. So uncomfortable. My doctor had been at the hospital all night with a different delivery and then a C-section. So she asked if I could try to hold off till 1pm so she could try and get a lunch.    
So contractions started to pick up from there. They asked if I wanted something for the pain, I told them sure. Though in all honesty it didn't get a chance to kick in because by the time Caleb came (at 1:32pm) I had not gone through the IV that they put it in. This delivery was a little harder than Hailey's because, well Caleb was 8lbs 6oz, and Hailey was 6lbs 8oz. With Hailey they just had me push, but with Caleb they told me to stop to help me not tear. Which I am thankful for, but not at the time. I just wanted to meet him. When he was delivered I didn't even care that he was all bloody I actually held him before they cleaned him off. With Hailey I had them clean her off first.
I was so excited to finally hold him in my arms. Due to my miscarriage a few months before finding out I was pregnant with Caleb, I was super nervous my whole pregnancy.
But Caleb made it. On May 18th Caleb Ray was born. There was no unwanted/stressful visitors this time around. There was only our friends Jimmy & Candace and my mom & Hailey. We only stayed 27 hours at the hospital because we were excited to get home and have Hailey get used to her new baby brother.  As well as get adjusted to being a family of 4. What a blessing it has been. My mom was able to stay and help for a week after Caleb was born and Ryan was around for two weeks after. It was a nice time to get adjusted and I am thankful for all the help I got.

Mommy Wars....

This is Similac's new ad campaign. The sad part about it is that stuff like this happens all the time. Wither it is voiced like it shows in the video or if it is more internal or behind someones back. It makes me so sad. Being a mom is hard enough, with out having to worry about everyone else's opinions and I'm better than you.
Not every mom other there is in the same stage of life as you. There are teen moms, stay at home moms, working moms, mature moms, rich moms, poor moms, workout moms, 'lazy' moms, moms that got pregnant through rape, moms who got pregnant without even 'trying', moms who spent years on fertility treatments, moms who's only option was adoption, moms that only want one child, moms that want a dozen, moms of multiples, moms who had miscarriages, moms who lost a child... and the list goes on from there. What ever 'category/categorizes' you fall under the one thing in common is MOM! We are all moms. No matter how we got there, no matter the choices we make for our children.      
Though being a woman, sometimes it is so easy to find yourself judging other moms or thinking 'I wouldn't do that' or 'how could you name your child that?' For the most part I find myself thinking 'to each their own. They are just doing their best.' Though every once in a while I find myself thinking 'what was that mom thinking?' And it is in that moment that I feel horrible and make myself feel even worse.
Moms we need to encourage one another and build each other up. Even if you don't agree with their decision. This is such a new time in everybody's lives. Its a very emotional roller coaster ride. As well no mother starts out as an expert, it takes time to learn how to do things. We don't always get things right on the first try. We all make mistakes, so lets all stand together.
You see a mom that clearly hasn't had a shower in a day or two and from the bags under her eyes clearly hasn't slept a full 8 hours that week (let alone last night), don't walk up to her and tell her "you really shouldn't let your daughter eat those prepackaged baby food. You should make your own like I do. It's so much healthier for your kid and there are no chemicals in it." Instead tell her she is doing a good job. At least she is making sure her kid is getting food.
We have all been there, whether we want to admit it or not, we have been that mother secretly wondering if other are judging us, or if we are even doing it right. As long as we try our best, that is really all we can do, because nobody is perfect, not even you, not even me. We all make mistakes, so instead of pointing fingers and jumping up and down, why not give her a hug and tell her it will be ok. Encourage her, and give her some advice in a nice way. Say "You know what helped me when I was in a similar situation? ...." Or "I don't know if this is the right way, but what worked for us is..."          

Gender reveal!!!!

Yesterday we had our 20 week Ultrasound(I'm really 21 weeks, but all the same difference) and we found out we are having a BOY!
Being pregnant I am a mix of emotions. My main one being I AM EXCITED!!!!!! I am so excited. Baby boy looks healthy and perfect.......but then I am overwhelmed with the thought of what am I going to do with a boy? Does this mean that this is my last baby? because I don't know if I'm done. I want to see how I do with two kids before I decide if I'm finish. Though my husband said we are done after he found out it was a boy. He told me that if it was a girl he might have been open to having one more. I don't know. I feel sad. Yesterday I pulled out the small amount of boy clothes I have saved for baby boy and went through some of the baby girl clothes to pull out gender neutral clothes. It made me really sad. When I would pack up Hailey's clothes when she out grew them I felt okay with it all because I thought that I would be pulling them out one day for her sister and the clothes would get more use. Though the clothes did get a lot of use compared to some baby clothes.
What do I do with a boy? I am not a boy. With Hailey it's easy. We have tea parties and princess's. I know how to play with Hailey and what toys to tell Grandparent's to get her. BUT what do I tell them to get for a boy? I am so excited, but so nervous that I won't know what to do with a boy. My pregnant brain is just overwhelmed with emotions. It's not that I'm not excited because I am over the moon with excitement. It's that I am nervous of the unknown. A little scared of the change. Though when I was pregnant with Hailey I was super nervous, from the start. I think yesterday was just a crazy day because it became real, and especially when I unpacked all of baby boy's clothes. Oh life, you are a crazy one. Here are some ultrasound picture of baby boy. Can't wait to see his little face and kiss that sweet little nose.

Baby Boy's little face....look at that chin :D

side view of baby boy's head and rib cage

it's a boy!!!!! :D